April 14th
Two years ago on April 14th, I returned to the doctor for a repeat ultrasound. The week before I had went in due to some issues I was having. The sonographer did the typical anatomy ultrasound and we found out we were having a girl! I was approximately 19 weeks pregnant at the time. The doctor was not in that day(it was a Friday) and the sonographers mentioned something about the baby not being very cooperative and not being able to get everything they needed. So, I wasn’t necessary surprised when I got a call on Monday saying that I needed to come back in. I went in the next day by myself thinking that my baby girl just hadn’t cooperated the week before and the sonographers couldn’t see everything they needed to see. I figured it was no big deal. So I left work and headed to the doctor’s office.
Again, several sonographers looked at things and then the doctor came in. Within minutes, I was told that my baby girl’s eyes did not develop. I remember just trying to stay so strong and take it all in. I remember clearly asking what was the best case/worst case scenario. Mostly, I just remember hearing that they just really didn’t know if it was just her eyes or a whole lot more. The best case scenario was that my baby girl would be blind. The worst case was that she could have some type of chromosomal issue that could result in an extremely short life if she even lived at all. Bottomline, there just weren’t many answers or real explanation of the potential cause. After I took it all in or as much as I possibly could after being hit in the head with a huge brick(so it seemed), the sobbing began. I remember calling Mike and I couldn’t even talk. He couldn’t even understand me. He didn’t want me to drive but I had to a bit because we were far apart. We met in a parking lot and I told him I all knew. We just cried together for a long time.
So, I share this story because I remember thinking on that day that it is was the worst day of my life. It was a huge shock and obviously I went through a grieving process. Of course, we all have our ideas of what life is going to be like when we have children and then when you are faced with this type of situation you realize that life is going to be so different from what you ever imagined. We did a lot of waiting from April 14th until September 10th when Faith was born. Then, Faith spent her first month in the NICU where many more issues were detected. Today, we still don’t know it all but we have a better idea of her many needs and medical issues. A few days after we found out that our baby girl’s eyes did not develop, we decided to name her “Faith.” We knew that our Faith in God would help us through the struggles and challenges and the name just seemed so fitting to the situation. Now, when I look back at April 14, 2009, instead of thinking of it as one of the worst days of my life I think of it as a life-changing day. Don’t get me wrong, it was probably the saddest and toughest day of my life so far. No parent wants to hear that their child is going to have struggles and daily challenges. However, it was the beginning of our new life raising a child with special needs. For the remainder of the pregnancy, we had to get educated, prepared, and get resources lined up in addition to the typical preparation for a new baby.
Before Faith was born, I had no idea of what it really takes to raise a child with special needs. I have so much respect for other parents that have older children that are ahead of us in this process. For those parents who now have adult children with special needs, you all are incredible. What an accomplishment! I also think about the parents that have lost children in the process. It breaks my heart for these parents who have gone through so much and then have to say good-bye. Words can’t say how my heart aches for these families that have lost children. What I can say about all of the parents of children with special needs that I have encountered is that they are incredible advocates for their children. I aspire to be the best advocate for Faith that I possibly can be and I am so fortunate to have such great parent resources to learn from.
Two years ago, I had no idea what life would be like today. I am so thankful to be sitting here typing this post with my beautiful and incredible daughter in my arms. I thank God for her everyday and am so fortunate to have her in my life.
Faith makes things possible, not easy!
Keeping the faith,
Bridget
6 comments
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Bridget,
Our first experiences were much the same. I can really relate to this post and would like to thank you for writing it. It is in some way comforting to here someone else say exactly what I would about going to the doctor that day. There aren’t many I know personally that can relate. God Bless Faith and your Family. I look forward to meeting you soon!
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Bridget,
Your words are beautiful and an excellent portrayl for those of us that try to imagine and sympathize. Only you know your heart’s pain, but thank you for sharing it so openly. You and Mike have come so far and Faith is blessed with you two as her parents and advocates just as your lives are blessed by her as well. I will never understand why this had to happen to Faith, but I will always pray that God uses her life in a wonderful way! Just like you said, faith makes things possible..not easy. Faith has already showed what a fighter she is. Blessings to the three of you!
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I remember this time well, especially because of our talks during our off periods at school- I was amazed by how you took the news in stride (as much as is possible with such a shock) and immediately set to the task of becoming the best prepared mom you could be. You’re a great person, BFit, and Faith is lucky to have been born to a mama who has to strength to be such a tireless advocate for her. Love you guys.
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April 14 was a terrible day for us also. Bob and I shed many tears that night, also. I think the worse part was being so far away. We couldn’t comfort you in your sorrow. I thank God for your church family. Our lives were definitely changed forever that day. Into our lives came precious Faith! We will love and nurture her forever. We are so blessed!
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I loved reading this post. I love how you said you decided to look at it as a life-changing day and the beginning of your new life of raising a child with special needs. That is such a great attitude and so necessary to have when you have children, and especially children who need a little extra care. Our experience was very different than yours in that we didn’t know there were any problems until Raya was about a month old, and it took me several months (maybe close to a year) to really comprehend her situation. My feelings about it though are very similar to yours. There was some grieving, and then there was a new resolve to learn everything we could learn and move forward. It is challenging, but there are so many amazing blessings that come with the challenge. Thank you for sharing!
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Same here, it was an April when I learned my son will be blind. 2010. I was 6 months along. I totally feel you. It was a very depressing time for my husband and I. We found that the more people who understood what was happening, the better it seemed. Sorrow is divided; joy is multiplied.
I don’t have to go back in time to tell that lady (me) in spring 2010 that there is hope. We have to go through the process completely. I am enjoying Orion very much and I cannot imagine life without him.